pic for using your words

When my youngest daughter was a toddler, she was very sensitive and would cry to express her needs. I was sometimes at a loss for what she wanted or needed from me, which caused me great frustration. I would try to guess what was bothering her and how I could be of any help. Finally one of her preschool teachers taught me to say to her: “Use your words”.  She coached me through ways to help my daughter find the words to describe what she was feeling or needing.

The same phrase- “Use your words” can be applied to leadership, especially in times of conflict and change. When we choose to express ourselves more clearly with descriptive words, we are more accurate in what we need to say. Our words empower us to be open to a dialogue.

[Tweet “Using our words instead of our attitudes is the best way to lead.”]

When listening to leaders complain about why their teams aren’t performing, I often hear their emotions running high. There can even be anger that seems to overtake the conversation resulting in miscommunication. Instead of hearing the feedback we honestly want to give to others, all our teams hear is moodiness and negativity.

Are you ready to kick the habit of allowing our emotions to overtake our message and “Use your words”? These five strategies may help:

1. PLAN OUT YOUR MESSAGE

Before sharing your words of wisdom, make sure you are clear what you actually want to say. Instead of shooting out some crazy statement about something you are angry about, figure out what points you need to make. I even find writing down the words can ensure the best language is chosen.

2. DECIDE ON THE DELIVERY

This step is often overlooked because leaders are always in a hurry to give instructions to the troops. STOP. Think about the best place and way to “Use your words”. Ask yourself:

  • Should I be saying this to the entire team at once?
  • Would it be better to meet with an individual or a few teammates?
  • Is it best to send an email ahead of time outlining my concerns?
  • How much time should I set for the actual delivery and how much time for follow-up questions?

3. REFLECT ON YOUR EMOTIONS

It is so important to be honest about how we may be feeling about the situation. Do we feel a lack of control or angry that we wanted the outcome to look differently? Being self-aware of where we emotionally stand on an issue can help us keep that emotion in check. If we are frustrated we might raise our voices or become sarcastic. If we feel defeated we might sound negative and hopeless. Locate the emotions and feelings and then put them on the shelf for a later time. Don’t allow them to creep into our words.

[Tweet “Being self-aware empowers us to keep our emotions in check.”]

4. BE READY FOR PUSHBACK

Any seasoned leader knows that our messages aren’t always welcomed with open arms. However, that doesn’t mean our words won’t be heard. Just think about what the team’s reaction might be and be prepared for disagreement and discussion. Know the possible arguments and sticky points and make an effort to validate them. Don’t forget to “Use your words” carefully.

5. EMPOWER OTHERS TO “USE THEIR WORDS”

Similar to how I encouraged my daughter to use her words instead of crying, do the same for those around you. When emotions run high, stay calm and professional with the kind words: “I am eager to hear your viewpoint. Be specific. Be honest. Be clear.”

How do you lead “Using your words”?

 

 

 

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