When I worked for a hospital system, my team was asked to create a customer service training program for all the employees. The workshop was a jumping-off point to help build a culture of caring and respect for the patients, visitors as well as the hospital workers. One section of my presentation focused on different styles of communication and whether people came across aggressively or passively. We made up names for the different styles; machine guns were aggressive communicators while marshmallows were more passive. The objective of the program was developing an awareness to how we communicate with others.
Have you ever thought about how you come across to other people and how others perceive your leadership style?
[Tweet “Leaders who are aware of how they communicate build strong relationships.”]
Are you a machine gun or marshmallow communicator?
Understanding our natural way to connect with others helps us build impactful relationships as well as meaningful interactions. Here are a few ways to help you decide if you are more of a machine gun or a marshmallow:
MACHINE GUNS
- Rat-a-tat-tat
- Talk a lot
- Say what’s on their minds
- Demand
- Less concerned how they will affect the feelings of others
MARSHMALLOWS
- Quiet
- Absorbers of messages from machine guns
- Listeners
- Sometimes dominated
- Overly concerned about others’ feelings
These are two contrasting and extreme communication styles and most of us fall somewhere in-between. Each style has its assets and liabilities. While machine guns are articulate and take-charge, they also can be too blasting and insensitive. On the other hand, marshmallows are usually sensitive and great listeners but can avoid a situation or be too slow to respond.
What does it look like when you have two machine guns communicating with one another or two marshmallows connecting? A wall is created when this happens and nothing can pass between the different sides. There is a disconnect and an exchange of ideas and information is halted.
[Tweet “Leaders need to be flexible in their communication styles.”]
Four ways to overcome locking communication styles:
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Be flexible
When two machine guns go at it, an impasse may emerge, so it is essential for us to adjust our communication to have a successful outcome. Be aware of being too much of a control freak and try to be more open.
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Develop a range in your style
Learn ways to stretch the way you communicate so in different situations with different people you can be more effective. Maybe you need to listen more. Maybe you need to state your opinion more.
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Don’t let your habits take over
Just because you are use to communicating with co-workers, customers or bosses in a certain way, try to break your routine responses. Ask yourself: Is this the best way to share my thoughts or is it just what I usually do?
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Know when your natural style works well and when it doesn’t
Before speaking with someone be aware of when you’ve had the most successful conversations with that person. How did you come across? Do you need to communicate a little differently in this situation?
Where do you fall between being a machine gun or marshmallow communication style?
What are some ways you have learned to be more flexible in connecting with others?
I think great leaders have a well established range that they use quite strategically. Leaders who can’t adapt will shut others down. Sometimes it’s time to talk and most of the time it’s time to listen. Knowing when to do do which (and all the roles in between) can make all the difference.
I agree that strong leadership means being able to flex to different styles of communication and knowing when to use which style.
Listening plays a key role yet leaders need to be aware of when to step up and share their thoughts and opinions.
Thanks for your wonderful additions Karin!
I love those terms, Terri!
They are vivid visuals and help to remind us of how very different communication styles can be…
As you say, recognizing not only our own communication style but the style of others as well.
Getting our communication right is essential for leadership and being agile enough to adjust to other styles is essential.
Sometimes when we use descriptive terms that people can relate to, a better understanding and self-awareness can be achieved.
Thanks LaRae!
I definitely fall somewhere in between! Important reminders to flex your communication style out of your comfort zone whether you’re talking to someone with the same or differing style. Through all of my DiSC training, I think the biggest take away was that to be an effective communicator you need to understand not only your default style but the styles and needs of others to be most effective. Leaders can cross impasses with intention – your post is a great place to start.
Thanks, Terri!
You raise a great point, Alli of leaders needing to get outside of their comfort zone when communicating. This is so difficult for some of us and one worth learning how to do. The jumping off piece is a full understanding of our natural style and understanding all the others as well.
One of the most challenging situations to flex our style is when we are in conflict. That is a test of a true leader.
Thanks for your insights Alli!
Terri,
Great visual to think about our leadership! How far we may lean into one or the other may depend on the type of situation. Although I don’t think I have dominated a meeting, I may be more vocal in some situations and listen more in others. Overall, my style sides more on the listening, absorbing, empathetic approach but can adapt based on the situation.
Great things to consider here! Thanks. Jon
We all fall somewhere along the continuum and it sounds like you know exactly when to use more or less of each communication style, Jon.
The key is that when we are dealing with a machine gun and we are more of a machine gun communicator we need to back off and become more of a marshmallow in order to have any progress or resolution.
Thanks for your great additions Jon!