While coaching and training leaders, I listen very carefully to their stories and challenges. On one hand, leaders feel it is necessary to be understanding of people’s busy lives outside of work as well as issues in the workplace. Yet on the other hand they question how deeply they should get involved. I often hear statements like:
“I’m concerned but that’s just TMI (too much information) for me!”
“I want to help them with that personal issue, but is that really my job?”
“I feel uncomfortable getting too involved in those interpersonal team conflicts. Let them work it out themselves.”
“I need to focus on that project and not on all the chatter around me.”
I’m sure you could add your concerns to this list. So is it really better to stay out of the fray and keep totally focused on the work at hand? How much is too much sympathy and empathy? Or is there such a thing?
I’ve wondered about the right balance for leaders to step up or step aside.
[Tweet “Leaders understand when to step up or step aside.”]
For sure it is a balancing act and here are five decision points you may want to consider:
1. ARE YOU THE RIGHT PERSON TO LEAD THE CHARGE?
Even if you may feel uncomfortable, are you the one to help resolve the mess? One way to think about whether you are “it”, is to decide if you know the person and the concern most completely. Sometimes we are not aware of the entire story and therefore can only talk to one side. But when we are the logical person, don’t worry that you are getting in too deep. Stay professional and sift through to get at the truth.
2. IS THIS THE FIRST TIME IT HAPPENED?
This is important to ask yourself because if an ongoing situation keeps occurring even after you have gotten involved, then something needs to change. Lead the way by talking to someone else on the team who may have a fresh perspective. It’s possible you’re missing an essential piece.
3. DO YOU HAVE THE TOOLS TO RESOLVE THE ISSUE?
Smart leaders know when they have the skill set to help someone through a work or personal crisis. Asking yourself critical questions can help:
- Is this happening because there is a process issue?
- Can I coach my teammate to get up to speed and be successful?
- Can I empower the person to change a behavior or attitude?
[Tweet “Make sure you have all the facts before stepping up.”]
4. ARE YOU COMMITTED TO LEADING?
It’s important to be honest if you care enough to find a workable solution. Sometimes we need to empower ourselves to act even when we may feel a bit out of our league and unsure about the outcome. Don’t abdicate the job to someone else, rather take a chance and put your leadership gifts into play.
5. WHAT LESSONS DO YOU WANT TO SHARE?
Once you have decided to take the lead, then figuring out what you want to say and how you want to say it is paramount.
- Think of what obstacles you faced in your past that may be similar to what others are experiencing.
- Choose a meaningful story to share and how you too had imperfect conditions but tried to discover ways to face your fears and grow your leadership in the process.
How do you decide when it is the right time to step up or step aside? What signals help you maintain that balance?
Good topic Terri!
In the workplace, compassion is a great way of being yet this is also a quality that can’t be faked. If it’s not there, it’s not there. So I would say that if a leader is honest with themselves, if they KNOW they can’t bring compassion to the situation or person, they aren’t the best person to lead in that situation. So this is part of the discernment piece of the puzzle.
The other piece has to do with knowing where you (the leader) ends, and the other person begins. Natural healthy boundaries. Ideally, this is in sync with a knowledge base of resources. If you (the leader) can’t be of help in this situation for whatever reason (including beyond your scope of practice, experience, training etc), knowing WHO to send someone to is the next step. And knowing this information can really help leaders feel more capable and less anxious when someone has a problem. (or even a team issue)
All of this requires the leader to have a fairly good grasp of knowing themselves. What they are truly equipped to handle and what they realistically cannot and should not. Wisdom is definitely needed based on people involved and the situation, and it will not be the same each and every time.
Great info Terri. Thanks for sharing!
You make some very important points, Samantha! I do think establishing boundaries is an essential part of being an authentic leader with others. I have seen leaders get overly connected to someone’s personal situation and become too invested. There is a balance. Discovering how to show empathy by listening and caring is powerful. Solving someone else’s challenges may not be the best idea.
Additionally being honest about our skill set and knowledge can help us decide if we are the right person to step in. We just should never let fear or lack of confidence guide that choice.
Thanks Samantha for your wonderful insights!
Great points Terri. It can be very difficult to find the right balance.
It is such a balancing act, Joy and each of us needs to figure out our comfort level and be honest about our abilities when deciding to step in.
When I feel that I have the experience I risk it and share my thoughts even if that means learning some new information about the concern.
Thanks Joy for adding to the dialogue!
I love the Ronald Reagan quote on this page…find the best people, delegate, and don’t interfere!
Well said, and it does all hinge on whether you’re able to find, or attract, the best people. If you’re not surrounded by the best, being a good example is one a good way to show team members what is expected of them.
I’ve always found that leaders who have a reputation for encouraging creativity, fairness, and consistency in message are the leaders who make the biggest impact.