In a recent discussion during a meeting with some senior leaders there was immense frustration and confusion. On one hand, they were all working hard to create a very critical document that would benefit the whole organization. On the other hand, there was intense disagreement on the best content. The cacophony of the voices became palpable, and it became clear that the leaders were not listening to understand. As I watched their faces and their hand gestures, I knew a resolution was nowhere in sight.
If we had a referee there, they most certainly would have stepped in and called a “Time Out”. It was obvious to me that there were deeper issues at play that had nothing to do with the document or task at hand. This team of leaders was not interacting with each other but rather just shouting out individual perspectives. They were missing the key to any high performing team- trust.
Without trust a team does not have a fighting chance for survival or success. Share on XHere are five trustworthy actions embraced by strong leaders:
1. Listen To Understand
One of the most important skills for leaders who want to be trustworthy is to develop their ability to truly hear what their team members are saying. How many times have you heard someone share information that has already been covered? This sometimes happens when people aren’t tuned in to actively listening. When we listen we need to just hear the words and process what they mean. Leave judgement and analysis on the back burner initially.
2. Honor Different Perspectives
We build our trustworthiness by staying open to ideas and suggestions that are different from our own. For some leaders it can be difficult to remain respectful when they disagree. We just need to remember that sometimes these ideas that seem uncomfortable at first, may actually turn out to be the best solutions. Some tips to honor alternative opinions are:
- Allow yourself to be curious.
- Ask respectful questions to delve deeper.
- Validate and support team members sharing their thoughts.
- Keep calm and don’t let the discussion escalate into unhealthy conflict.
3. Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
If we want our colleagues and bosses to hear our points, leaders must establish trustworthy relationships. If we don’t trust the people we collaborate with, we cannot work as a team. So how do leaders build meaningful relationships? They follow through on what they say they will do. They get to know what excites their team members. They show compassion and empathy. They show up for others.
A trustworthy leader builds meaningful relationships with colleagues and bosses. Share on X4. Look For Commonalities
The sweet spot for strong leaders to develop trust is to find solutions that may work for everyone. It is a leader’s responsibility to bring alternative choices to a mutually acceptable decision. This can be tricky if team members see the problem differently or there are many loud and opinionated voices at the table. What has worked for many of the leadership teams I partner with is:
- Be crystal clear on the actual problem.
- Let each team member share their perspective and be heard.
- List all the possible solutions and try to find overlap.
- Decide on a solution that incorporates many of the ideas presented so team members feel buy-in.
5. Show Appreciation and Gratitude
At the end of the day a leader will be considered trustworthy if they are able to cultivate camaraderie and inclusion. Our colleagues want to be part of a decision and we need to show them respect and gratitude for their contributions. We may not be able to settle on their exact suggestions, but we need to make sure we recognize their commitment to the team’s final choice of direction.
What additional trustworthy actions have you taken as a leader?
I have been in the same situation so many times, Terri! People are not there to listen—they are there to tell others what to do. One thing that I’ve found that works (more on a one-to-one basis than in a group), is to simply say, “I agree.” The person who is poised for a fight is usually thrown off guard which immediately gives you the advantage. In a group setting, the effect is still the same because everyone shuts up long enough to say (or think), “What?” “Did I hear right?” The conversation shifts at this point as it winds down the rhetoric. Then I usually pursue the conversation by mentioning what I did like about the other person’s point of view and then adding my concerns one point at a time to gauge their response to the points I’ve made. It’s hard for them to jump down my throat after I’ve just thrown them a bone…
Thanks LaRae for sharing your experiences in dealing with team members not listening to each other. I like your suggestion of saying “I agree”. Sometimes just trying to turn down the temperature can redirect a discussion. I think at the heart of so many heated disagreements is a lack of trust. When teams work on building trust there will always be deeper and more honest discussions with respect.
Appreciate this approach, Terri. I’ve worked for some leaders who I swear only listened to me to pick apart my ideas. When they only listened to criticize, with absolutely no curiosity or desire to listen to understand, it made me less willing to bring my ideas to them in the future. Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship and when people don’t feel heard there is no meaningful relationship – it’s only boss and subordinate.
Will share!
Alli
Thanks Alli! When we feel we can trust someone we are more willing to share important thoughts and concerns. My strongest team leaders and members were always people that I felt were trustworthy. I was then more open about offering important suggestions. It just felt safe.