This past week was not one of my best moments during one of our team meetings. The agenda was moving along well until we hit a speed bump and things turned sour. One of my team members shared some information that I was totally not expecting. In a nano-second I blurted out “I feel blindsided with your report. I didn’t think we were at this point yet.”

As you may imagine the comment that came firing back at me was not super helpful. Not only were the words defensive and angry, but the tone and attitude jumped right through the zoom screen. What probably should have been an open discussion about an issue, turned into a loud back and forth conversation that went in circles. The worst part was once the volleying started, it was not easy to stop.

When a leader feels caught off guard it can feel very unsettling. They can even feel as if they are being attacked. What our emotions may be telling us to do in these situations can often elevate the temperature inappropriately. Our brains have to kick in and take control, even if we feel unbalanced.

Here are six leadership steps when feeling blindsided:

1. Recognize The Blindsided Information

Often when leaders are in a heated discussion, they don’t always recognize that they are being presented unexpected data and information. They visualized the conversation going in a different direction and maybe weren’t prepared for how quickly things were moving. When they are confronted with a different set of circumstances they can feel shaky. So step one is to acknowledge to ourselves that we are feeling unprepared or totally surprised.

2. Stop-Pause-Breathe

A great next step to collect ourselves and our thoughts is to:

• Stop the conversation from continuing any further and becoming more defensive.
• Pause to wrap your head around what has happened before deciding how to move forward.
• Breathe-Take a few minutes to take some calm and deep breaths to focus on your situation. This helps our bodies stop shaking and allows our minds to take over.

3. Do Not React; Think How To Respond

Instead of reacting to feeling blindsided, the better step to take is to think what needs to be shared next. If we simply react we will only add to the tension rather than focusing on a direction to take. Think of helpful questions to ask to clarify this alternative solution while deciding how to present your perspective. Taking time to strategize what information you may be missing will help you make a better decision.

4. Listen To Hear The Real Issue

In a meeting where a leader feels blindsided, the best tactic is to listen strategically to what is being presented. Encourage other team members also to share their take on what is being shared in order to compile a more complete picture of the actual situation. Strategic listening involves:

• Avoiding interrupting others while they are speaking, even if you disagree with their thoughts.
• Strong eye contact whether you are in person or on a screen.
• Restating what they said to gain clarity and deeper understanding.
• Asking open-ended questions- Who, What , Where, When, How.

5. State Your Case Without Accusation

When the step comes for the leader to share their ideas, make sure to avoid judgmental language, but rather stay positive and inclusive. Begin by stating, “It was my understanding that …” Then go into why you may be on a different page in the process. Be appreciative for the team member’s work performed. Words like “we”, “and”, “together” go a far way.

6. Bring To A Thoughtful Conclusion

The final step to face being blindsided is to bring the discussion to a mutually acceptable conclusion. This can be done by:

• Asking another team member to summarize the decided direction forward.
• Assigning responsibilities clearly with follow-up dates.
• Making a strong statement at the end: “We got this!”
• Expressing gratitude for everyone’s input and participation.

What additional leadership steps have you found helpful when feeling blindsided?

 If you need some help in feeling blindsided, please let me know.

(Image Credit: Unsplash)