Spending an enormous amount of time inside our homes these past few months have given leaders an opportunity to do some thinking. For some, that reflection may have resulted in looking at team members or assignments with an overly zealous analysis. There are many reasons why this may be happening, including confusing our remote work frustrations with sharing our suggestions. It can be difficult to keep our personal life challenges separate from our professional worlds.

There is no blame here but rather a way to admit that “nagging” colleagues to complete their part of a project may be more about a leader’s need for more control. There. I said it. We are feeling a lack of control that may be streaming out as overly critical feedback. We also may be feeling insecure about adding value and turning out the highest level of deliverables. The truth is many leaders are in the same boat, each trying to navigate this uncertain time period.

Now is not the best time to put on our deep analysis hat without also donning ourselves with empathy and kindness. We need to bring all our sides out in the open and lead more completely.

Here are four adjustments for an overly critical leadership eye:

1. Be Honest with Your Current State of Mind

Before a leader responds to a less than favorable situation, take stock in how you may be feeling about the situation surrounding you. When leaders are self-aware they are able to respond rather than react to what they are hearing. One leader I worked with had a difficult time staying open to any direction from her boss. Whatever the boss shared was heard in a negative way. To understand how you are feeling ask:

• Do I have any particular biases towards the person sharing information?
• Am I able to hear the entire message being expressed without jumping in with my ideas? Is that impacting the interaction?
• How am I feeling at the moment? Angry? Frustrated? Defensive? Open-minded?
• Would it be better to have the conversation at a later date when I am calmer?

2. Analyze Don’t Criticize

To prevent ourselves from being overly critical it is best to stick to the facts and observations. If we sense that a team member or colleague is not seeing our point of view, try to respond by using specifics that back-up your opinion. Similarly, if we want to offer suggestions to someone in our workplace, use descriptive language, rather than nebulous adjectives. For example, we need to explain how we arrived at our conclusion using numbers and details and avoid negative belittling.

3. Choose Respectful Words and Body Language

An overly critical leadership eye often involves attacking others with disrespect. Even when we disagree it is important for leaders to be respectful of differences through their words and body language. In fact the old adage that our non-verbal cues speak louder than our actual words is an understatement when we are viewed as being too critical. Some simple strategies that can keep leaders respectful are:

• Consider the positives in a situation before sharing the negatives. That doesn’t mean sugar-coating the truth; just make sure to look at all sides.
• Use respectful words that honor the other person’s intentions rather than being “judgy”. Leaders don’t jump to conclusions.
• Smile to be approachable. Even if we are offering negative feedback, we want others to listen with openness and to do that they need to have a connection with us.
• Never finger-point as that hand gesture reminds adults of being reprimanded by a parent or a teacher.

To avoid leading with an overly critical leadership eye be approachable and use positive body language. Share on X

4. Include Empathy and Kindness

When colleagues and bosses sense that we are invested in how they may be feeling, we will successfully be able to share honest feedback. If leaders get in the habit of stepping inside of the shoes of others they will create meaningful connections. If they build these respectful relationships there will not be a need to be overly critical. The result will be a conversation of mutual trust, respect and kindness. It may take time, but it is well worth working towards.

How have you been successful leading without an overly critical leadership eye?

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