Many leaders have faced the scenario where they are managing up to help their boss survive. And I do mean survive. Their immediate boss may feel “put-upon” and undervalued by their senior leader and as a result implodes consistently. This was what was happening to someone I met with this past week. What did her boss do when he was frustrated? He barked orders with tight timeframes. He accused his team members of not completing documents. He was overly critical on feedback and used inappropriate language when sharing it. This individual’s boss could barely get through his day without breaking down and becoming an ogre himself. Having such an “edge” only confuses an employee-boss relationship.
Having a difficult and angry boss is never easy to navigate but ultimately helps leaders learn important strategies and lessons. It’s usually pretty messy but cultivates stronger leadership.
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Here’s how to lead when your boss’s boss is bossy:
1. Identify Where The Anger Is Coming From
When leaders hear mean-spirited orders from their boss their initial response is to shut down and become angry. We are deserving of respect and rightfully should never be treated that way. After licking our wounds it is helpful to take a deeper look to understand why our boss may be speaking in an inappropriate tone. Because our boss is also human, it can be eye-opening to see frustration from our boss’s perspective. That’s not to say to justify it. We just need to realize that maybe the pressure to meet a deadline or fix a project is being driven by our boss’s boss.
2. Separate Out Fact From Fiction
Make sure we are hearing all the facts and not getting caught up in the commentary. Ask yourself:
- What is the real issue that my boss is upset about?
- Which emotions do I need to discard to get to the truth of what is being shared?
- How can I get a clearer understanding of what may be challenging my boss?
- How can I keep my own emotions and anger in check?
3. Validate Your Part Of The Solution
This step may be the most difficult for many of us to admit but we need to see how we may be adding to the problem that our boss is facing from her boss. To do this we must own the way we are leading. Did we do everything we could to secure a strong end result? Could the problem be that our contribution wasn’t as complete and that resulted in our boss being reamed out by his boss? Just consider how you may have added to the challenge.
4. Help Your Boss See Success
Whatever the cause, now is the time to pull together with our boss and come up with a viable solution for success. An important aspect of leadership is empowering both our boss and our colleagues to look their best. When that happens the team succeeds.
- Brainstorm ways to minimize the obstacle
- Be empathetic to your boss’s frustrations by acknowledging them and resolving the issue
- Offer your expertise to create a better end result
- Be supportive and commit to making things work
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5. Apply The Lessons You Have Learned
With each misstep and mistake, leaders draw critical lessons they learn to use in future similar situations. The take-aways will only empower us to be stronger and more resilient the next time. When our boss sees our dedication to their success and the team’s achievements, they will be there for us too in times of difficulty.
How do you lead when your boss’s boss is bossy? What has helped you and your boss overcome challenges?
I’ve worked for someone who was feeling the squeeze from their boss. At first, they were determined to protect the team but ultimately, they lost it. I can remember sitting in a meeting where she yelled at my VP counterparts. Yelled. I was appalled and for the people who were the targets of her ire that day, it was the day they decided to start their job search. As you point out here, leaving is not the only option at our disposal. When we take even a moment to understand what they’re going through, we’re better able to help support them in a meaningful way. Your insights here will be helpful to many, Terri. It can be an awful situation to feel stuck in but you’ve helped empower your readers. Will share.
Feeling stuck between our boss and their boss can be frustrating especially if we have a good working relationship with the senior boss. But as you point out we owe it to ourselves and to our boss to gain a deeper understanding of why they may be upset and offer to find helpful solutions. Even our bosses have friction sometimes with their boss and being a strong team support is impactful.
Thanks for sharing your great story and suggestions Alli!
“Having a difficult and angry boss is never easy to navigate but ultimately helps leaders learn important strategies and lessons”, loved it how you have put my experiences in words. Same thing happened with me, I kept thinking my boss is really mean until i found out its actually her boss who makes it hard on her to manage. But I also believe that a good manager should know how to control themselves and not to show it to someone who is innocent of the matter.
You make a great point Sayma that our bosses do need to control their emotions when they are feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes when our boss’s boss is constantly picking on our boss and berating them, it gets to be too unbearable for our boss and then they explode. Knowing why they are behaving in a certain way can be helpful.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and insights with us!