I was having a discussion this week with a mother of a recent high school graduate. After congratulating her on her son’s achievement, she turned to me and said:

“My son really struggled with his academics, but is really good with people. He is so social and communicates with others in such a caring way.”

To which I replied, “ He will make it very far if he has strong interpersonal skills. Those are way more important than the technical ones. Don’t worry; wherever he ends up, he will master the technical parts of his job. But having the ability to connect with others, trumps all other skills.”

To which she replied in a relieved, soft voice, “ I believe that too. Thank you.”

Wherever you may be leading from, have you noticed what type of skills the most respected people possess? Although it may seem at first that performing the technical responsibilities of a job are foremost, highly effective leaders excel at cultivating meaningful relationships with those they work. They put people first and then focus on each person’s strengths.

Here are seven leadership communication skills that build people connections:

 1. Be aware of how you come across

Are you aware of how other people see and hear you? When you speak to other co-workers, colleagues, collaborators or even bosses, how do they react to your suggestions and involvement? Do people ask you for ideas and help with their challenges? When others reach out to us it is because they value our input as well as the way we share it. If we judge, people will not want our opinions. If we only want to work on a project where our offering is the only one we accept, we will not be asked to join.

2. Recognize how others communicate

Each of us has a different style of communicating and that means flexing to different styles from our own.

• If someone needs a clear set of procedures, provide that type of document even if you feel it is over-kill
• If a team member is extremely social then make sure to have a conversation with them before starting on a joint effort
• Even if we like to provide all the details of what we are working on, try to be direct with a collaborator who just needs the bullet points

3. Place listening as number one

Communicating like a leader begins with strategic listening. Try to hold off on presenting your perspectives until listening to theirs. Ask questions about why they followed a certain approach and what conclusions they reached. Listen carefully for their thought processes and don’t interrupt until they are finished. Be focused and present in the conversation.

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4. Learn what excites the people on your team

I’m a big proponent of zeroing in on what brings others joy. When leaders connect to what’s important to their co-workers or bosses, they are more able to forge deeper connections. Asking questions about their life outside of the workplace can bring connection into the work environment.

• What team do you play on?
• Did you do something special with your family this weekend?
• Have you caught any interesting movies lately?
• What are some of your favorite restaurants or coffee shops?

5. Become more vulnerable

A powerful way to show that you are a human being is to share a story of imperfection. When we open up a different side that displays our missteps or failures, people see us through a new lens. It is through vulnerability that we build trust.

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6. Catch your words

What kind of language might describe your communication? Negative put-downs tell others that we are not interested in working with them productively. Sarcasm is hurtful and results in unnecessary miscommunication. Leaders choose descriptive and positive language that is truthful, yet empowering. Be inclusive. Instead of saying, “You always make errors. Why don’t you proofread?” say, “I have noticed some missing information and I have some ideas about how you might capture that data more effectively. Could I share that with you?”

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7. Ask for feedback and use it

Leaders know that honest feedback is critical to their success so we have to make sure to not only ask for it but employ it as well. Stay open and grow.

What other leadership communication skills have helped you build connections with others?

(Photo credit- Pixaby)