Managers are frequently asking me how to gain the respect of their teams and bosses. They feel that they have great insights to share but are having a challenging time being recognized. They will inquire:
“Why can’t I get my boss to respect my decisions?”
“My team seems to disregard my deadlines and that makes me feel a lack of respect.”
“I make powerful contributions to my company. Why don’t I get shout-outs?”
I’m sure you could add your own concerns about not feeling the respect you so deserve.
[Tweet “Leadership respect begins with you.”]
One of my clients who I recently coached was having a difficult time finding her voice on her team. She felt her teammates were often talking over her comments and not taking her suggestions seriously. She offered an alternative way to deal with their overseas colleagues and was ignored. She felt that there was little respect for her leadership. After working together we came up with seven ways to accelerate her presence and respect.
1. Know What Respect Means To You
This might seem strange to think about, but respect comes in all shapes and sizes. Ask yourself what respect would look like to you. The woman I was coaching visualized respect as her teammates being open to her ideas. I once volunteered with someone who only wanted her agenda to be used and if that didn’t happen, she felt disrespected.
2. Be A Strategic Listener
It may seem simple enough to say we listen to others, but are we really listening with the intent to understand?
- Are we listening without interrupting?
- Are we working on something else when people are trying to share their ideas?
- Are we asking powerful questions that assures the speaker we are focused on what they are saying?
- Are we fully present in the conversation?
3. Share Your Thoughts and Suggestions Clearly
One of the challenges the coachee had was being able to state her ideas with clarity and fervor. She was soft spoken which oftentimes confused her team with not having something valuable to add. Quite the opposite was true so we worked on ways to project more confidently in a louder tone. We also viewed different ways to make her agenda clear with exact word choices and organization.
4. Promote Others’ Ideas
If we want people to champion our suggestions, we need to promote theirs too. Many leaders forget that when others support us in what we have to share, we are more likely to be cheerleaders for their causes as well. Here’s what the coachee decided to do:
- Offer positive feedback on what teammates or colleagues are presenting.
- Piggy-back on ideas of others while making additions.
- Be an ambassador for the team accomplishments as this will show others how much your team means to you.
5. Be Open-Minded
Not everyone will always agree with our ideas and we will not always embrace what everyone else suggests. Having said that, keep an open mind so that you can stretch your thinking and help develop a stronger outcome to any project. When we empower ourselves to consider different perspectives, we get the innovative juices flowing.
6. Give A Little Extra
Step up when you think something additional is needed to make things happen. Does your team need your creativity in developing that deck? Does a colleague need you to run interference with another co-worker to help them work together more successfully? Can you take that phone call in the middle of the night because your global team needs to discuss some critical issues?
[Tweet “When leaders give a little extra they earn the respect of others.”]
7. Support The Team’s Choice
The ultimate way to gain respect is to show your team you will go with the team’s decision, even though you may need to give up part of your input. This is difficult when we are feeling left out. The coachee recognized that as long as her ideas were considered, the final outcome was the team’s choice and one that she would always support.
How do you grow leadership respect? What strategies have worked for you?
Such an important topic and a great list. I often find that when people are not being respected, they are also having trouble really respecting themselves and/or respecting others. I once worked with a leader who was frustrated because of lack of respect, but as I listened to her language, we was constantly sending out self-deprecating remarks, “well, this may not be a good idea…but…” “I not very experienced in this arena…” “This is probably a stupid question.” Or sitting at the back of the room instead of at the table. To be respected, it’s vital that you respect yourself and your ideas.
I agree that leaders can’t respect others unless they see their own self-worth and can communicate their ideas in an influential way. If managers don’t have confidence in their abilities the team will surely pick up on that.
Sometimes all leaders need is to fine tune their communication message and make sure they are open to what others are sharing. If we support and promote others, they will be more likely to rally around us as well.
Thanks Karin!
Another great post Terri!
Although I”m not currently on an official ‘team’ per se, I’ve spent the past couple of years looking to connect with people and have tried out various online groups etc. Some I’ve really meshed with (like #spiritchat )
I feel many of these things can be easily adapted to our online communities and ‘teams’.
One of the things that has recently become crystal clear has to do with #1. Know what respect means to you. And what has become very clear to me is this is directly tied to our VALUES. I’ve found that wow…we’re so diverse in not only our ideas, but our values, and even if we hold similar values, we also don’t necessarily have the same order of priority in those values.
Sharing is also important and on the surface, YES, it’s important that we can give ‘cheerfully’ and without expecting anything in return. But REALISTICALLY? Does giving ENDLESSLY to someone who rarely if EVER gives back a pathway to success? In those cases, I haven’t seen it. There are simply people who feel entitled to TAKE and yet won’t give back. Won’t promote others. Or it’s a RARITY.
Eventually, if there is no harvest, wisdom would dictate we plant our time and efforts in more fruitful soil.
Also, I don’t expect to always agree with a person’s option or every post, etc…so I generally only promote those I can do so in good faith. Or see and have time for.
However, I don’t ‘blindly’ post anything. I make sure I’ve read it, etc.
Honesty is still my #1 value. It’s important to me and very much linked to my ability to respect people. Which means, I do have an expectation that people (especially leaders) will be honest with me when/if there is a problem.
I’m like Apollo 13. If I or anyone else on the team says, ‘Houston, we have a problem.’ It’s just something we DEAL WITH. haha
Thanks for the great tips.
Samantha, you are one of the most authentic people I have met online as you are so willing to be vulnerable and share your life lessons. I agree with you that honesty is essential for respect and learning who is really honest can be tricky, especially online. So as long as we each maintain our own integrity, we can be respectful of other people’s points of view without necessarily agreeing to all their ideas.
In terms of promoting others, it does happen sometimes that people don’t always support us. Someone once shared with me that he never understood why one of his posts got more attention than another. He said that a post that he thought was outstanding might not get the promotion as a post he thought was just so-so. Therefore, don’t take any of it personally.That has helped me gain perspective so much.
Thanks for adding your wonderful and insightful additions! I so appreciate you!
Fantastic, Terri! I especially like “Be a Strategic Listener” Many leaders want to be heard and respected by their team but never spend time listening… but a lot of time talking, telling and demanding.
In one of the orgs I worked for, we went on a listening tour as a leadership team. We weren’t there to defend or promote any programs but understand what was on their minds, their challenges and how we could help.
Look forward to sharing!
I love the idea of a listening tour! When we just focus on hearing what is being said and not judging, we can actually take in the words as they are meant to be understood. When we are always preparing in our minds the next thing we want to say, we can’t absorb what is being said. Strategic listening not only empowers us to receive the message more accurately, but also helps us be respectful of the speaker. That in turn leads to people respecting us.
Thanks Alli for your great additions!
Just love this article, Terri!
My favorite is #6: Give a little extra! Leaders who put in the blood, sweat, and tears will not only have more ownership of their team’s project, they will also earn the team’s respect…sort of related to #1.
Rolling up the shirtsleeves and going the extra mile shows everyone that you are truly committed to the team’s success!
Nothing says that we care more than our actions to go the extra distance. Leading with hard work and an eye to the future can empower us and those we connect with. Respect will most certainly follow.
Thanks LaRae!