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Leadership can be lonely. That is the honest truth. Have you ever sat still long enough to look around to see and feel what was happening with the people and the activities in your personal and professional life? Sometimes we sense that decisions are being made without us and we aren’t even being asked for input. Other times we seem to be the only person stepping up and offering suggestions. There is an old adage that says: “It’s lonely at the top”. I am not one to believe in this absurd statement because leading has absolutely nothing to do with being by oneself. In fact, just the opposite is true- leadership is all about surrounding oneself with talented people who have as much heart as you do. Of course there are times we need to reflect privately but those moments are heart-to-heart learning opportunities. So if you find yourself feeling like a lonely leader here are five ways to kick-start your transformation:

1. ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU’RE FEELING LONELY

It’s always a good idea to try to get in touch with the reasons behind your leadership loneliness.

  • Are we overwhelmed with our workload, staying late with few breaks, feeling unappreciated?
  • Do we sense we are making decisions in isolation, getting little input from others?
  • Are our suggestions constantly being overlooked and not treated with respect?

 2. MAKE YOUR MISSION TO CONNECT

The opposite of being lonely is connecting with others in a meaningful way so that we can share challenges as well as victories. There’s nothing emptier than having a “win” with no one to cheer you on. Decide who you want to learn more about and work alongside. Then make a time to meet, over coffee or lunch or break. You may be surprised how someone who you see daily sees their world and workspace. By investing in them you are investing in your leadership.

 3. LOCATE YOUR DRIVERS

Another way to overcome being lonely is to discover what makes you “tick”. What makes you smile and brings you joy? Are you working on projects and materials that draw on your interests and values? Although I spend time by myself writing and designing, it is essential that I facilitate workshops to balance my need to be with others. The people piece is a huge driver for me. So try to align your days with activities that matter to you.

[Tweet “Strong leaders are able to discover what brings them joy.”]

4. HONOR THE WORDS OF OTHERS

When we keep an open mind when listening to others, we are able to be a more empathetic leader. When we show others that their ideas are worth sharing we build deeper bonds and feel less lonely.

  • Tell others how valuable their suggestions are to meeting the team deadlines and turning out a superior result.
  • If you disagree, say you do but don’t blame. Just state that their views are just another way to look at things. When we don’t make an effort to use other people’s ideas, they oftentimes just shut down and we are stuck making all the decisions.
  • Show gratitude for great contributions by giving people credit and telling others all about it.

[Tweet “When we honor the words of others, we lead with empathy.”]

 5. COMMIT TO LEADERSHIP GENEROSITY

A great way to not feel lonely is to take an interest in what others are doing. In fact, we often learn new things about ourselves when we grow with others. Share some of the new lessons you’ve learned with others in a generous way. It feels so good to help others achieve their goals as we assist them in their career journeys. Share. Share. And share some more.

How have you overcome being a lonely leader? What ways have helped you leave the loneliness behind?

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