During this past holiday weekend I attended a wedding of one of my closest friend’s children. It is remarkable to watch children grow into adulthood and start lives with their future partners. Both the bride and groom are gentle souls navigating a very competitive world around them. In the ceremony, the clergy marrying them shared her thoughts about how each brings a genuine perspective to whatever they tackle, but sometimes that may not be enough. She explained:
“Sometimes we need to step outside of our comfort zone to achieve our goals. When you do take those steps, don’t lose your gentleness.”
[Tweet “Leadership involves stepping out of our comfort zone without losing our authentic self.”]
What does it mean to step outside of our comfort zone without losing our gentleness? Is this really good leadership practice?
There are many different leadership styles that seem to work successfully for most of us. So how can a leader with a gentle soul make their mark and lead while being true to themselves?
STEP ONE- Understand who you are
It may seem simple enough, but knowing who we are and what feels comfortable when connecting with others, isn’t so clear for some of us. When we can see our “real self” in the mirror, we can begin the process of inching out of the circle of comfort. Part of this discovery process involves recognizing our personality style and what that may look like to the outside world.
STEP TWO- Think about who want to be
We all need to decide what is important to us when we lead and how we want to come across. Although we can’t change our personalities (love who you are), we can definitely modify our behaviors.
- Are we effective communicators or do we need to be clearer and more assertive?
- Are we getting our needs met or feeling like we are always the one to compromise?
- Do we surround ourselves with people who are supportive of us while still sharing their talents and strengths?
- Do we have the courage to dream beyond our current environment?
STEP THREE- Be willing to see risk differently
Change and trying something new feels exciting for some of us and scary for others. If we typically stay within the bulls-eye of our comfort zone, we can’t grow or even test the waters. When we don’t have the confidence to confront the unknown, we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to discover new abilities or joys.
[Tweet “Risk is opening our minds to a new perspective.”]
The flip side of not taking risk is never trying out our hidden passions and gifts. We may “hit upon” a new concept, a fascinating person or even a dream we didn’t know could be a reality, if we shift our minds to confronting the bear in the forest.
Getting back to our newly wed gentle souls- they can step outside of their comfort zones while still remaining authentic. They can commit to trying new things without feeling like they are changing who they are. And if their first step out of their comfort zone doesn’t pan out-SO WHAT!
How have you stepped beyond your comfort zone without losing your authentic self?
What a beautiful message. This weekend when we were camping, my 8 year old brought up a topic which seemed to come out of no where in the middle of the woods. “Mom, so many things I hear on TED talks and other places say that when people become more successful (or even rich) they get meaner and don’t care about other people. Why in the world would that have to be?” Whoa… what a wonderful conversation starter. There are many people in the world who navigate great achievements and stay gentle. May we have more of that in the world and in our lives.
Your son is so astute that people do sometimes change when they climb a corporate ladder. With you as his mother, Karin, he will always be grounded. It sounds like you have a wonderful line of open communication with him. I would love to hear about the rest of the conversation.
During our careers, it is so important that we stay authentic and allow our core beliefs and values to guide us. Not always so easy, but certainly worth the effort.
When we need to take risks, we need to face our fears and just try it. Worrying whether it will work or not is just part of the journey.
Thanks Karin!
Wow…loved that message ““Sometimes we need to step outside of our comfort zone to achieve our goals. When you do take those steps, don’t lose your gentleness.”
The pastor put her finger right on the heart of how most of us react when we are discomfort zones…we are not gentle, either toward ourselves or others.
This is a great message…Thanks, Terri!
It was such an impactful ceremony and the message really invoked a deep lesson for me too.
I think we all need to step outside of our comfort zone and still remain true to our core values, beliefs and passions.
I appreciate you adding your wonderful comments, LaRae!
Love this, Terri! One of my favorite topics! We should always ask ourselves how we can more fully step into our personal leadership without losing who we are. Starting a partnership like your friend’s children is not only an opportunity to reflect individually but with intention as a couple. The most wonderful gift my husband has given me is the space to continue to evolve as a human and as a partner without sacrificing my heart in the process.
Thank you for sharing the lessons from this wedding! Congratulations to your friends 🙂
It is a perfect time with a new marriage for couples to explore who they are individually as well as who they are as a couple. I also know, as you do too, that relationships are dynamic and keep evolving as the individuals keep growing. As we “fill out our own shoes” we need to be respectful of how our partner steps around in their shoes. I love that your husband has been so supportive of you and your passions.
Taking risks changes drastically when another person is involved. It is always a fine balance between getting what we want and making sure that our partner understands our choices and still feels our love.
Thanks Alli for your amazing insights!
Great advice, Terri. In understanding where we want to go in meaningful ways and what type of person we want to develop into, we need to take certain thoughtful risks to get on the right paths. More importantly, at times, it takes even more risk to stay on the right path (avoiding being overwhelmed by multitasking or someone else’s expectations). Some wonderful perspectives here… thanks for sparking the conversation! Jon
I love your idea of “thoughtful risks” as it clearly reflects the caution we must exercise in risk-taking.
What feels comfortable for some of us can mean anxiety for others. The important thing is we don’t stop ourselves from trying new things because we may be fearful. When we are guided by our values, all of our decisions and actions will be authentic.
Thanks Jon for always adding new ways to look at our explorations!
Terri
Great post Terri!
Ohh I love this quote, “Getting back to our newly wed gentle souls- they can step outside of their comfort zones while still remaining authentic. They can commit to trying new things without feeling like they are changing who they are.”
It is great advice for all relationships, and would make a perfect introduction to a post I have going live tomorrow!
I look forward to reading your next post, Chery!
I was just so taken back by the wisdom of being able to both take risks while still remaining true to our unique personalities.
Thanks as always for your great additions!